Sex & Love According to Princess KristaContents:
Communication & Honesty | Foreplay | The Fine Art Of Blow Jobs
The Fine Art of Eating Pussy | Find the G-Spot | Anal Sex
Why some people need S&MIn the process of running the store and spending time with people, I get asked about various forms of sex. While not an expert (I never claim that!), licensed therapist, councillor or, anything of the sort, I have developed a bunch of theories about sex. I have decided that these opinions needed to be posted, as I am often surprised at the lack of knowledge about things, most especially the female anatomy (even by females!) and simple communication! The opinions expressed here are opinions, and if you have questions or concerns about them, please, be honest with your doctor and ask him or her!
This section is intended to be an ever-expanding series of very frank articles on all areas of sex and love, including BDSM as I have time to add them.
Communication & Honesty
There is nothing more upsetting to me than hearing a woman admit that she fakes orgasms for the benefit of the male. This is a crime against both partners. It is a LIE, and if you don't respect your partner enough to be honest about your turn-ons, you should seriously re-think the relationship. Living a lie is a basis for unhappiness and hurt. A loving relationship is built on communication, honesty and mutual respect, or it is not a loving relationship-it is simply going through the motions for whatever reasons (kids, security, low self-esteem, etc). Even if you have been married for a century, there is nothing stopping you from continually getting to know each other except for your own mental blocks. See a marriage counselor if you can't talk to each other about your intimacy! Heartbreaking to me is the constant flow of guys that come into my shop and tell me "I'm into kink, but my wife would never consider it-how can I join an S/M group? Maybe I can find a partner there." How could a person possibly even dream of playing such a serious game that requires TONS of communication and trust, if they cannot even talk to the partner they supposedly love?!! If you are married to or living with someone that you are afraid to talk to, you owe it to any little shred of self-respect remaining inside of you to try to honestly communicate with the person you supposedly love. They also owe it to you to listen, and try to understand your needs. I find that most of these men have simply made assumptions because they were afraid to admit their desires to the partners that they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives with. This inevitably leads to lying, cheating, and eventual heartbreak. There is a new book out called "When Someone You Love Is Kinky" that I recommend and sell on this site, also Screw The Roses" and "The Loving Dominant", which are all-time favorites. Take the phone off the hook, send the kids to the babysitter, turn off the idiot-box and hide the remotes. It is time to try something different with your partner. TALK! It gets easier with practice, and there are a lot of communication tools available. Aside from the great books offered here, there are 2 games that encourage communication in a fun, non-threatening manner. They are "Intimate Details" and "Be My Slave" in the Gifts section and the Softer Side section.I just love it when a couple comes into the shop that tells me they desire to explore something different. They do it together, they communicate, they experiment, they trust each other to do so because they know the importance of communication in relationships. They love each other enough to be HONEST with each other. They may or may not care for certain things they try, but they are open enough with each other to express it to one another. Conversely, they are also honest enough with each other to get to know the most intimate parts/aspects of the person they love, and the relationship grows stronger for it. Open up your mouth and ears, and try the most intense sexual experience imaginable, honesty and communication.
I ran across this quote somewhere, and it says so very much of what this lifestyle is all about:
And he whispered to me in the darkness as we lay together,If anybody knows who the author is, please let me know so that I may give them credit.
"Tell me where to touch you so that I can drive you insane,
tell me where to touch you to give you ultimate pleasure,
tell me where to touch you so that we will truly own each other."
And I kissed him softly and whispered back,
"Touch my mind." Author unknown. but appreciatedForeplay
No, it does not consist of simply begging. A quick lick on the nipple won't quite do it, either! Foreplay is a very important part of lovemaking for both parties. It stimulates natural lubrication for the female, and gets the mind out of the places it does not belong (work, kids, business, money, etc. talk about major turn-offs!) for both parties, thereby making a much more enjoyable encounter. Take some time to get to know your partner's body, and leave ego outside the bedroom door!!! The bed is normally too small for people trying to have fun and a big ego. Throw away the preconceived notions of what you THINK pleases your partner and ask them. Then, put it into action! Listen with your heart, and don't so things just because that's the way you've always done them. You may be surprised to find that your partner hates that certain thing that you do that you think turns them on. It is up to you to find out, and implement the things they like, and stop the things they hate. At the very least, if the thing they hate is something that is a huge turn-on for you, negotiate to do it for a little while, in return for something they particularly like. Trying not to sound like a sales pitch here, but there are many things in the store that are great for foreplay.My recommendations:
A generous helping of your time Intimate Details Game Be My Slave Game Massage oils and Pleasure Mitts Feather Ticklers Bathing together Honey Dust Never, ever underestimate the power of erotic massage and touch. It stimulates the nerve endings, awakens the senses, and helps to prepare body and mind for and is a very large part of lovemaking. I have actually received massages that made me feel as if I'd had an orgasm! If you have never experienced this, I highly recommend it. Take your time, the person you love is worth it!
Watching the interactions of couples that come into my store and are able to communicate with each other, I have come to the conclusion that talking IS foreplay. Probably the best and most intense kind of foreplay! I can watch the body language of the couple and know that when they leave the store, they are going home to try out their new toys. I can see the flush in the faces, can see that they are standing closer to each other than when they arrived, I can see the very subtle signs of excitement between people that are excited about being with each other. From my point of view, this excitement and joy of exploration is the reason I opened the store to begin with. Yes, I'll admit, I get a vicarious thrill and excitement of my own out of helping to open up this excitement for people, but hey, that's my kink, and I'm proud of it. I guess it comes with caring.
Getting Into Detail
The Fine Art of Blow Jobs
No, girls, a blow job normally does not include actual blowing. If the penis is actually blown into, it can cause embolism and more. This means your partner dies, which could really ruin the moment. I have heard from gals that don't like the taste of cum that this is the reason they won't do it. Buzz, wrong answer, see the part about communication and honesty. Use a condom, there are very thin condoms out there that can alleviate this problem. Have a towel and glass of water handy, and spit it out afterward. Maybe go just to the point of ejaculation, and guys, be honest here, have the man tell you before he is about to cum so that you can manually finish it off or go to another activity. There are also flavored oils that can greatly enhance this. Most of all, be honest and have respect for each other. As for the actual act, it generally does not include using teeth, gagging, choking, a vacuum cleaner (hard suction) or ending up in a neck brace from enthusiasm. Strange as it sounds, practice on a banana. If you destroy the banana after 30 seconds, you are probably not doing it right. It should be sensual, not neck exercises. Use the tongue to explore the whole thing, apply gentle suction, try to avoid teeth, and look at it not as a chore, but something that pleases him immensely and take pleasure from that. If you enjoy it, even simply because it gives him pleasure, he'll enjoy it more, which means you'll enjoy it more, and round and round.
*Guys, a very important point here. Balls sweat, they are near the ass. It stinks. Soap is good. Stinky ball sweat is a turn-off for most women.My Reccomendations:
ID Juicy Lubes An Ounce Of Passion Oils The Fine Art of Eating Pussy
The techniques on this are as varied as the people doing it. This, like the above section on blow jobs, is general. Experiment! Sorry to have to inform all of the guys out there, but the clit is not made of play dough, and for God's sake-trim and clean those damn fingernails! Fingernails can harbor all sorts of germs and bacteria that can cause horrendous infections in women, so before you slide those fingers, wash them! Never, ever, ever blow into the vagina or urethra. This, like blowing into the penis, can cause all sorts of trouble, and can cause death. At the very least, it causes pussy-farts, and no woman I've ever known gets off on the sound of a fart in any way, shape or form. Remember to keep ego out of it, and if she says 'harder' or 'softer', accommodate her! What may have worked for your last partner may not necessarily work for this one.Ok, you have the petals of the orchid in front of your face, now what? Assuming the lady has taken care of her personal hygiene enough to make it appetizing (remember ladies, the ass is only an inch or so away!!!), dive in! Use that marvelous tongue, find her hot spots, watch her body language. If she moves away, it may be uncomfortable. If she moves closer, she likes it. If she starts to become a waterfall, grab a towel with your free hand (or change the sheets later) but don't you dare stop. If she grabs your head, and pulls you closer, it is generally an indication that she likes it. Now place a finger in (you BETTER have trimmed and cleaned your fingernails!). No room for ego here, watch the reactions and base your actions upon her reactions, not on the steak you had for dinner. Be gentle!!! The pussy is very sensitive, and the clit is where this all comes together. If she likes what you are doing and has a bit of trouble communicating, look for the physical signs like the clit swelling up, labia swelling, and lubrication.
My Reccomendations:
ID Juicy Lubes An Ounce Of Passion Oils Lots of Time! To Find the G-Spot
Ok, you have the finger in the treasure Chest, now what do you do? If you and she desire that you find the G-spot, then the first thing you need to do is know where it is. The simplest answer I can give is: Directly behind the clit. It can vary in position, but believe me, it IS THERE! To help you to find it: Place the woman on her back (sometimes a pillow under the butt helps). Gently insert a CLEAN, well trimmed finger and curve the finger upward. You may feel a bump somewhat like a pasta shell. Gently rub this area with your finger. Do not push fingertip forcefully against it, as it can be very painful. Experiment with different pressures and directions of rubbing. If you just cannot seem to reach it, there are toys that have special curves to them specifically for stimulating this area.My Reccomendations:
Dancin' Dolphin The Scorpion Jelly Fantasy Curved Jr, Jelly curved Flex-O-Pleaser Sensuous Curve Massagers Anal Sex
There have been entire books written about this, so this is just going to touch on it. In the store, I have at least 2 that are very good in the Sex and Psychology subsection of the Books department. I have launched into tirades about this, as men seem to think the anus (in a male OR a female) can be treated just like a pussy. Same style, different hole, right? Buzz! WRONG!!!Done wrong, this can be painful and yes, dangerous.
First of all, throw away the Anal Eaze. I personally hate this stuff and think it is unsafe! Anal Eaze has a numbing agent that causes both the penis and rectum to get numb. Pain is God's way of telling us that something we are doing is bad for us, and STOP! Also, if the penis is numb, it takes more stimulation to get off, meaning more friction, longer time to orgasm, and more pain for the receiver. Admittedly, S/M'ers do get off to a certain degree of well-placed, well-thought-out and consensual pain, but personally, I don't think this is an area that should hurt. If it hurts, you are doing it wrong.OK, you've thrown away the Anal Eaze and your partner has agreed to try it. Now what? Foreplay, foreplay, and when you think you've had enough, more foreplay! Don't rush this, as that is setting the receiver up for a bad experience. You must prepare the area. Use plenty of lube (I find that a silicon based lube is best, as it does not dry out or soak in). Now, slowly and gently insert a finger or small butt plug. If it is a finger, BE SURE THAT YOU DO NOT INSERT THIS FINGER INTO THE VAGINA. This can cause very serious infections. Be patient, as this is a slow process. Check with your partner to make sure there is no discomfort, and then leave it fairly still for a little while for the receiver to get used to the object. Move the finger of plug around slightly but very slowly and very gently. Don't insert, take out, insert take out, insert take out. You get the picture. Again, this is not a pussy! Slight fucking motions maybe, if your partner is OK, but inserting and taking out can cause discomfort. Next, add more lube and move to a larger plug or try adding another finger. When you get to the point where three fingers or a larger plug is comfortable for your partner, it may be close to time to try the penis. Get into the desired position. I've heard from a lot of women that they prefer to lay on the stomach. Add more lube, then add some more. There can never be too much lube!! Very slowly and very patiently, insert. DON'T RUSH THIS! Go a tiny bit at a time, then give the receiver time to adjust by holding still. Go a bit further, very gently and patiently until the whole length is inserted. Here's the biggest mistake that most men make in this act: Pulling almost all of the way out and re-inserting, as you would during normal intercourse. This motion is the largest cause of pain, aside from rushing. The penis should not move more than about ½" to one inch during the act of anal intercourse, if you want it to be pleasurable. The sphincter muscles automatically try to go back to the natural, tightened position every time that the object holding them open is removed, so the standard fucking motion causes them to expand, contract, and try to push the object out. Pushing (as opposed to pushing and pulling) and staying in pretty much the same area is much less uncomfortable for the receiver than fucking like you would in normal intercourse. Rock back and forth and push as opposed to extreme in and out penetration.
It is extremely important to keep in mind that bacteria from the rectum can cause horrendous infections if this bacteria should make its way into the vagina or urethra. Make absolute sure that your toys are clean, and to be safe, do not use toys that have been used anally in the vagina. To be safer, you can cover the toys with condoms, but the best bet is to have toys designated as 'front' and 'rear'. If using the fingers, latex gloves are a very good investment!
My recommendations in this area:
Anal Pleasure and Health book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women Eros Lube ID Millenuim Hot Pink Petites (three sizes) Plugs and probes (remember start off small) Safe Suds Toy Cleaner Lots of patience and communication All of the opinions here are only opinions. Experiment with your partner, communicate, and have fun!!!!
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